How to Settle a Child Custody Case Outside of the Courtroom

Child custody cases can get ugly. When a married couple seeks divorce, children can sometimes be at the root of the issue. Custody issues can cause each parent to use the children as a pawn to get what he or she wants. Sometimes, each parent wants full custody of their child, which causes a long, extended battle in the courtroom. But this doesn't always have to be the case. There are ways to settle your child custody case outside of the courthouse, and to work amicably between you and your soon-to-be former spouse.

• Write your spouse a settlement letter near the beginning of your divorce case. Lay out what you feel is important in regards to the children. Write the settlement letter in a friendly, informative and caring tone, and explain your reasons for wanting the custody arrangement that you are seeking (joint? sole?).
• Use modern day technologies to talk out custody issues, utilizing email and phone text messages which can be documented for court. It is important to document everything as much as possible--oral agreements will not hold up in court. However, if you conduct civil discussions regarding child custody through email, you will be able to put thought and consideration into what you are requesting. In addition, you will also have documented proof of any agreements your spouse decides he or she is willing to work with you on. This will prove helpful if you and your spouse still end up in the courtroom arguing over custody, because you will have documented proof as to what he or she agreed on. This will help you solidify what you were both willing to work out in regards to the child.
• Negotiate with a mediator. Instead of taking your case to court where you may feel highly intimidated and stressed, you can always request mediation with your spouse in regards to your child custody case. Mediators are third-party advocates that sit with parents and helps them determine what is in the best interests of the children.
• Mediating and negotiating your child custody case, along with child support, outside the courtroom is faster and less costly than going through the courts.

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How to Beat False Allegations of Abuse from Your Ex-Wife During a Custody Battle

Every year, there are thousands of unsubstantiated reports of domestic and child abuse by divorcing and separating parents. The numbers are staggering, and it leaves every parent vulnerable to being falsely accused of abuse in the courts during a child custody battle. Child Protection Services (CPS) handles a number of abuse cases, but many are left without proof or validity of the initial report of alleged abuse.

• Ask for proof of the reported abuse claim, whether it was reported to the police or to CPS. If your ex does not have any proof (such as police report filings, previous contact with CPS, photos or other documentation), he or she may have filed a false allegation of abuse against you.
• Obtain a written transcript of any emergency hearings that cover the allegations--there may have been something said during a court hearing that was not documented in the court paperwork that was filed. If certain statements made by your ex (and his or her lawyer, if they have one) contradict each other, you may be able to show the judge that the accusations are false based on a story that does not stay consistent.
• File a claim against your ex for defamation of character, emotional distress, and similar tort lawsuits. False accusations can truly ruin one's name, both in their personal and business life. Make sure your ex understands the trauma and consequences of his or her actions. Filing a lawsuit in response to one's false allegations helps solidify the fact that the allegations are not only unsubstantiated, but that they are causing harm in other aspects of your life!
• Be very careful not to "overly-argue" the false allegations. If you seem overly concerned at defending the claims, it may make you look more guilty of the claims than you are. If they are truly unsubstantiated claims, just deny the allegations if there is no proof, and continue the trial as it was. Acknowledge the claim, but deny and move on.
• Stay away from your ex if he or she has filed a restraining order against you. The ex may try to get you to come over to "pick something up" at his or her place, but resist the temptation--your ex may be trying to set you up for violating a restraining order.

How to Avoid Setting a Precedent in Paying Child Support Without a Court Order

During a divorce or legal separation, it may be a while before there are temporary -- or permanent -- orders put into place as to how the non-custodial parent is to financially care for his children. Child support payments are typically not figured out first in a divorce or separation, and are determined near the end of your divorce. Therefore, there may be an extended period of time where nothing is determined in terms of the financial responsibilities of both parents and their children. However, you can avoid making some simple mistakes which can set you up for extremely expensive child support payments in the future.

• Understand that the courts function off of "precedents." If something has worked well for an extended period of time, the courts will typically make orders accordingly.
• Avoid paying too much to your spouse during this unsettling time. Some parents want to do the right thing and help out, but precedents may end up leaving a parent with higher child support payments than they can continue to afford. You may end up paying more than the courts would end up calculating with their standard child support calculations.
• Space out your payments and keep them irregular, recommends the author of the "Fathers' Rights Protection System." This shows that you are at least giving some money to your former spouse to help them out with the children, but that you are helping as you can and not necessarily on a strict schedule. This is important if you're afraid the judge is going to order child support in high amounts, in which you may have difficulties getting it lowered in the future.

Getting child support payments lowered through the courts typically requires you to prove a substantial change in circumstances. This is why it is important to get your child support payments set to a reasonable amount from the start to avoid more expenses and court drama when you find you are unable to support yourself, let alone your children.


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How to Write a Solid Parenting Plan for Your Children with Your Ex

When going through a legal separation or divorce through the family law courtroom, you will be asked to mediate with your ex to create what is called a "Parenting Plan," otherwise known as a "Custody Agreement." A parenting plan is a detailed description of child custody, legal custody and visitation. It will lay out how the children will be raised in regards to medical emergencies, religious upbringing and educational needs. Most courts will put in place a standard parenting plan that is vague and not very specific, which can lead to confusion for you and your former spouse. Drafting your own to cover all possible situations is ideal.

• Decide on legal custody. If this has not already been determined by the courts, then you will have to work with your ex to determine a custody arrangement that works best for the whole family. The two kinds of legal custody are sole legal custody and joint legal custody. Sole legal custody means that one parent has full control and authority in making decisions for the child without the other's consent. Joint legal custody typically allows the other parent to have a say and be considered when it comes to the child's medical care, religious upbringing, and education.
• Work out child visitation schedules. Many court-drawn parenting plans give the non-custodial parent "reasonable visitation," which is typically understood to be an every other weekend kind of arrangement. However, if there is ever a dispute or argument, this will not hold up if you end up calling the cops to try to pick up your children on "your weekend." It is important that the physical custody and schedule for your children is as specific as possible, such as "every other weekend from Friday at 6pm to Monday at 8am" or "Every Wednesday from 3pm to 8pm." Also, find a way to alternate important holidays, giving certain holidays to each parent dependent on the year. For example, on odd-numbered years, the Mother may get the children on Thanksgiving and Easter, and the Father gets the children on Christmas and the Fourth of July, and then it alternates every year.
• Figure out transportation and pick up locations for the children. Depending on the distance between homes, some parents may alternate transporting the children, or one parent may be solely responsible for picking up and dropping off the children. In other situations, in order to lessen the hostility and confusion of exchanges, it is best to set them up at familiar locations for the children, such as having one parent drop the child off at school after their visitation, while the other picks them up to start THEIR visitation time.
• Determine how medical care will be paid. One parent may be responsible for providing medical insurance, while the other may be responsible for paying for co-pays. Many times, parents decide to split unpaid medical costs 50/50 for their children. This typically includes dental care and emergency visits as well.
• Agree on how you want your children to be educated, if they are not already in school. If one parent is against a child going to a religious-based school, this needs to be addressed in the parenting plan to ensure that the other parent's wishes are taken into consideration immediately. Educational concerns that may also need to be addressed may include how the other parent is notified of parent/teacher conferences, school activities, etc.
• Determine how extracurricular activities and daycare will be paid. Some parents decide to share the cost while others may put one parent in charge of providing monies for such extra activities. Daycare can also be figured into monthly child support if the parents want to consider this as an option as well.
• Establish child support. Finances can also be a strain when parents are trying to establish two households for their children. It is important that the courts address child support in certain instances to allow each parent the ability to financially care for their children and hopefully uphold the same lifestyle they were accustomed to before the divorce/separation.
• Determine how communication will be carried out from here onward. If you and your ex are in a more hostile situation where arguments may occur, you can agree to keep all communications through email. If you are able to converse with your ex in a civil manner, you can agree to communicate regarding the children during drop offs, pickups, and exchanges.

The more specific the parenting plan, the better. Think of everything when it comes to your children, and consider worst-case scenarios and every-day concerns.  Learn more at fathershelphotline.com!

How to File for a Divorce When Your Spouse is Missing or Cannot Be Found

When a relationship goes sour, sometimes a wife or husband may leave the marital home without telling the other where they are going. Without knowing where your spouse is, you may think that it is impossible to go forward with getting a legal separation or a divorce. However, with a little knowledge about how the court system works in a situation such as this, you may be able to get a divorce by default judgment by taking the proper steps in making an honest effort to attempt to find your ex.

• Check cell phone records if they are available. If your spouse is still on your cellular phone plan, check to see where phone calls are being made to determine their possible location. If they are making phone calls to a lot of numbers in a specific area code, you could do a reverse phone number lookup to see the locations they are calling. For example, if they have called an apartment complex numerous times, they may have rented an apartment at that complex, or if they have been calling a particular bank, they may have set up a bank account in that specific town. This is also helpful to see who they have been in contact with, in the event you want to call those same numbers to see what these people know about your spouse's whereabouts.
• Search online. If your spouse has a social networking page or website, your spouse may be posting pictures and information of their location. As Dennis Gac states in his book, "Fathers Rights Protection System," social networking sites may lead you to other individuals that your spouse may be visiting. Make note of these friends and family members as you can contact them to see what they know regarding your spouse's location.
• Call family members of your spouse. Think of relatives that your spouse may stay with. This is something to consider if you are on good terms with your spouse's friends, family members and relatives.
• Contact the military if you think your spouse may have enlisted. You can contact them through phone, mail or the internet. This information is publicly available.
• Consider service by publication if you have been unable to find your spouse. This is an appropriate form of service to individuals who cannot be located. This is where a newspaper can print a notice for a specific number of weeks to allow the person to come forward and attend the hearing or respond to the divorce. The local courthouse and county clerk can supply you with the proper guidelines and paperwork to fulfill this type of service correctly. This is typically the last resort option for missing persons.

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Milwaukee's Fatherhood Summit in Wisconsin Makes the 5:00 News!

For men who have been fighting the system when it comes to getting custody and being a father in the court's eyes, it has been a difficult road.  Which is why one group in Milwaukee is stepping up and reaching out to fathers in need of moral support and assistance.

The Milwaukee Fatherhood Summit, themed "Empowered Fathers, Bridging the Gap," was a get-together for fathers of all ages and situations where they could come together, share their story and learn how to reverse bad credit, fix their driving records and catch up on child support back pay, helping them find success in the family courts.

As Terence Ray, the founder of the Milwaukee Fatherhood Initiative, stated in the following video, "Empower someone to put on his Superman cape, if you will, and knock down some of those obstacles, in fact, to be a better father."

For more information, you can read the story from Fox6Now.com or watch the embedded news story below.

What Happens During the Adoption Process if You're Left Out of the Paternity?

So here's a scenario for you--say you had a fling with a married woman.  You found out she was pregnant, she says you need to break up.  Down the road, you find out that she had the baby, and her and her husband signed the papers to allow the child to be adopted.  You have an inkling that the child was yours--what do you do now?

One Ohio father did what any biological father would want to do--he filed with the courts to establish paternity of the child, and then fought for his son back from the adoptive parents--three years after the baby boy was born.

The biological mother claimed her husband as the father--however, due to divorce, her and her husband signed over papers to allow the baby boy to be adopted--all of this was done without the true father's consent, and even though it is years later, he has the right to take his child back.

Read this man's story on ParentDish--and decide for yourself--when adoption agencies collect and gather information about the parents of the baby, should they do a paternity test as well to establish them as the true parents to avoid situations such as this one?

Divorce Court 101: How to Avoid Becoming a By-Stander in Your Own Legal Case

Many times, fathers feel like whatever the judge says, goes. This is not the case. In fact, too many fathers become by-standers in their own divorce case. And here's why.

First off, you need to full understand how family law works. By being familiar with how the courtroom works and sitting in on some family law hearings, you will only then begin to truly understand the court system and how judges react to divorce cases. This can be especially helpful if you sit in on family law hearings being overseen by the same judge that is handling your divorce case. This way, you have a little insight as to how the judge operates, and can use these observations in your favor while in court with your ex-wife.

Second, remember that no matter what the judge decides, it's not the final say by any means. In fact, when you're dealing with the court system, you need to remember that it's all about pushing the paperwork--and that means appealing any decision the judge has made that does not lie in your favor. In essence, you're creating what I like to call a "Paper Blizzard." This is when you basically file paperwork for every little thing, which in turn creates more paperwork for your ex-wife and her attorney, which can increase the financial--and emotional--stress and costs on the opposing side. This can sometimes help you level the playing field with your ex, and make her understand that you won't be backing down anytime soon. This can help increase the chances that a settlement will be agreed upon, or that negotiation will help resolve most of the issues that are being dragged into the courtroom.

By pushing the paperwork and showing the judge and opposing counsel that you are going to be persistent in pursuing the results that you want from the courts, you will help assist your father's rights case and help push it in the direction of continued potential and success.

Are you looking to fight for your fathers' rights in court?  Get a free case analysis by Dennis Gac at http://www.fathershelphotline.com and help get yourself on track for a successful fathers' rights case!

Welcome to the Fathers' Rights Help blog!

Thank you for visiting the Fathers' Rights Help Blog, started and maintained by one of the world's premier fathers' rights mentors, Dennis Gac.

When it comes to fighting for your rights as a father in the courtrooms, whether it be gaining custody of your child and setting up child support payments from an ex-girlfriend or fighting your ex-wife for visitation or custody of your children from your marriage, Dennis Gac can help advise you as to how to find success in the courtroom, regardless of the "pro-Mother" courtroom and family law.

This blog will be a constant and continual source of information for fathers looking to gain custody of their kids, increase their visitation, or for anyone looking to help someone that they know that is losing their battle in the courtroom.  We will include up-to-date information on changing custody arrangements allowed in family law, tips and techniques to help you find success in the courtroom, and even common questions and answers that fathers (and the ones that love them) tend to ask during legal battles.

We hope that you continue to visit the Fathers' Rights Help Blog (conveniently located at fathersrightshelpblog.com--bookmark it now!), and follow it regularly to ensure you have the latest information and the positive techniques and tricks that you can use in order to succeed in the courtroom and get the chance to enjoy fatherhood to its fullest!

Dennis Gac
Founder of the National Brotherhood of Fathers' Rights
http://www.fathershelphotline.com